Still I find it impossible to believe that this new world I live in is my world now… It isn’t temporary, it is how it is. I am alone in the world and the “before” life has completely ceased to exist; I’ve inhabited a different world since December 2014.
My life has changed completely and utterly. I have created what I wanted to create, and every day I’m astounded at the way that has happened. Yes, it was hard work – still is hard work. Yes, I’m not sure how successful you’d say I am, certainly financially I’m not. Yet…! However, I’ve created the life I wanted to have. I’ve made it happen, and it shocks me to realise that is possible.
So, what of the next stage? There has to be next stage and all I’ve got to do is create that, which is a bit scary really… It’s hard work and I need to work out what exactly I’m committed to doing next.
I love that my life is full of creativity. I’m doing all the things I’ve always wanted to do. There are still more things to do, and I worry there isn’t enough time in which to do them. Three years ago, I felt so keenly that Death was just waiting, lingering on the horizon, and was ok with that. Now, I think that if I live to my mother’s age, I’ve got 28 years left, and it panics me… Just 28 more Christmases? 28 summers? 28 birthdays? There just isn’t time to do everything I want to do, so I feel panicked that I’ll do the wrong thing and then run out of time for the right thing.
Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”
-George Addair