“A Reflection on an autumn day
I took up a handful of grain and let it slip flowing through my fingers, and I said to myself
This is what it is all about. There is no longer any room for pretence. At harvest time the essence is revealed – the straw and chaff are set aside, they have done their job. The grain alone matters – sacks of pure gold.
So it is when a person dies the essence of that person is revealed. At the moment of death a person’s character stands out happy for the person who has forged it well over the years. Then it will not be the great achievement that will matter, nor, how much money or possessions a person has amassed. These like the straw and the chaff, will be left behind. It is what he has made of himself that will matter. Death can take away from us what we have, but it cannot rob us of who we are.”
29th December 2014, email to my cousin:
Thank so much for setting up Nat King Cole’s “Walking my Baby” – they loved that song and it seems appropriate for walking out of Chapel. Thanks also for agreeing to read Mum’s poem! I think I’m sort of ok for everything else. I’m trying to get in the mindset that tomorrow will be good, a “nice” thing to do to say goodbye, but right now I’m dreading it. Do you think it’s mad that your Mum and Dad meet at the flat and arrive at Chapel in the funeral car with me, John, Uncle John and Auntie Pat? It’s what the undertaker said should happen, so I’m just going with it, and that’s what I told your Mum yesterday, to meet at the flat at 10.40am. It’s hard to know what’s the right thing to do and I don’t want your parents thinking it’s silly since they live next to the chapel!! Also – strange question!- do you know if “chief mourners” keep their coats on? Or at least wear them to walk into Chapel? My two best friends are hoping to come – one by train from Cheshire but the other is coming from Norwich, driving over in the morning. Also, John’s parents and brother are driving up… So, if you see a few strangers that’s probably who they are. John and I are in a hotel near Stone now, because I can’t bear to stay in the flat until all this is over… All their things are around and I need to stay “ok” for one more day- John says it won’t matter but I’m determined not to cry tomorrow because when I do cry about all this, its not little sniffles like in the films, its really very embarrassing and I don’t want to let my parents down. We will get to the flat at about 9/9.30am – I’m calling at the local florist’s for rose petals for family to throw into the grave as suggested by the minister. The undertakers say we will all be asked to stand to one side after burying Dad while they put soil in before putting in Mum’s coffin on top. I’m not sure how long that will take or why we have to step to one side or what we will do (!!) while we wait.. I HAD ordered 4 roses to throw in (2 after Dad, 2 after Mum). But, Nichola said petals are better. So, I think the idea is we throw petals in on top of (?) the soil after Dad and then the 4 roses last, after Mum’s coffin. Please can you tell your Mum? Also, if there’s anything I’ve not done which I should have done or if I’ve done anything wrong PLEASE TELL ME!!! It’s so hard trying to organise things “properly” – I’d hate to offend anyone in anyway… Thanks for emailing – I do appreciate it because its all going round and round in my head. See you tomorrow, xxx
Reply from my cousin, 29th December 2014, at 15:16
Hi, We’ve just set up the CD of Nat King Cole’s “Walking my baby back home” ready to be played over the church sterio system for the end of the service. It sounds fine. I am ok reading the poem – I promised your mum I would. I know my mum spoke to you yesterday about things, but is there anything else that you need? We’re all thinking about you. God Bless. Love. Everything will be ok tomorrow, just let the undertakers guide you through it. Mum and Dad are ok about meeting you at the flat, it’s right that your parents are coming to church from there. Regarding your coat – yes, you can keep it on if you like it’s up to you. I’ll keep a look out for John’s family and your friends and make sure that they are looked after. If you do get upset, you won’t be letting anyone down, your Mum and Dad wouldn’t want you worrying about that, as they knew you would have enough to think about.Everything seems fine, so I’ll see you in the morning. God Bless. Love
Email from a friend, 29th December 2014:
Just a quick note to let you know that I’m thinking about you for tomorrow. I hope all goes as well as it can under the circumstances but, I know how horrible it is and how it all just passes in a daze. I think, after tomorrow, reality hits and you are able to grieve properly. Well, it was like that for me anyway and the time waiting for the funeral is just so surreal.
Anyway, you are not alone. We will both be thinking about you.
One of Mum’s favourite sayings…
“Remember sadness is always temporary. This, too, shall pass.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8