Tuesday 25 Nov 2014 – Email to PALS:
Thank you for your help today – I really appreciate it. I’ve just had a very helpful phone call from FEAU, confirming that significant weight loss was recorded, and I was listed as Next of Kin when he was admitted. I telephone ward 81 after speaking to you at 4.30pm and spoke to a nurse. My first question was “please can you check who is listed as my Dad’s Next of Kin?” His immediate answer was “The Wife”… I think you can imagine how this upset me, after what happened yesterday. I asked him to double check and he repeated “the Wife”. I then asked exactly what was written on the document. Only then, having gone away to finally get the document did he say “the daughter”. I simply cannot believe after my conversation with Dr *** yesterday that this is/was still not clear. My fear is that Dad suddenly deteriorates and they try ringing Mum, in their empty flat. I am truly appalled. I told him I was relying on him, and other professionals, but that there is no continuity, no consistency – on that ward.
25 Nov – Email to work colleagues:
I’ve just had a phone call from the hospital. They said Dad is poorly and it’s probably a good idea to visit him. They’re not saying it’s urgent, but if I wait until my planned visit (Thur pm) I might regret it. I’d already spoken to Mum’s sister around 5pm, and she’d also said he looked terrible today so I was wondering what I should do and the phone call has decided it.
I didn’t properly tell you what the Head said on Friday. He agreed that work can be really helpful at times like this, but that the distance makes it hard. He also understands why I didn’t want to request a block of time now/yet – because I might need that at a later date. There’s no way of predicting what’s going to happen next/when. He said I should take the time I need when I need it, but of course to let you know. So, I’m going to take tomorrow to visit them, because if I don’t I might regret it.
This is the current situation: Dad – finally, they have a suggested diagnosis (which I suggested to his Dr yesterday) but can’t get enough blood from his veins to try to confirm it. They suspect PANCREATIC cancer, which is horrible, aggressive, fast. So, when I hear that he sleeping TONS, I’m starting to worry that he will soon be more asleep than awake. Mum – has had a throat xray and it’s highly likely she will have to have a PEG tube fitted – direct feeding through a tube to the stomach. They’re making the final decision on Thursday. She’s not happy about it (who would be?!) but is brave and accepts it. Apologies, but I know you both understand and am very grateful indeed.
Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.
Haruki Murakami